I can't believe how crazy my delivery ended up being.
I still can't believe my pregnancy resulted in a the birth of the most awesome baby ever.
I have some catching up to do!
...
2 days after my last post here, I went to my weekly OB appointment. First, we went for an ultrasound to check on Lily's status. She got measured for the first time in a month and was estimated to be about 7 and a half pounds. Then I saw my doctor and we talked induction and I said, "get her out". Before I ever got pregnant, I was totally anti-induction and wanted to try for a med-free natural birth. But now with my history of losses and my anxiety about 3rd trimester stillbirth, plus the fact that my pregnancy was high-risk, I just did not trust my body to keep her safe for much longer. I needed her out. Less than 30 minutes after I left my appointment, someone from the office called back and said my induction would start at 8pm on March 27th - 12 days away, at 39 weeks. It felt totally surreal to have an official end date in sight, but I still think I was in some kind of denial or somewhat detached that this was actually finally happening. I somehow survived those 12 days doing pretty mundane activities - I had a few more doctor's appointments and we took the dog to the vet. On the 26th, my mom and I went to the Aveda Institute to get pedicures, and then went to Target. Since I was gigantically pregnant, that exhausted me and I went to bed relatively early that night, so I woke up at 10am on the 27th. We spent the day packing and getting the house ready for us to leave. I had the St. Pete Grand Prix on TV in the background, and since it was happening only a few miles away, we could hear the cars racing if we listened closely. Around 6:30 we were packed and the dogs were on their way to my parents' house via my brother, and we headed down there too to grab dinner with them before heading to the hospital. I knew that would be my last meal pre-baby. Dinner took forever even though the restaurant was empty. It took almost an hour to get our food and I was finally getting anxious about this whole process. And by then it was 8pm and I was late.
Once we got to the hospital and I got into my room, I went to visit my coworkers for a few minutes. I hadn't seen them in weeks and it was nice to get some encouragement before the induction began. I slowly made my way back to L&D, which felt like it was miles away - good thing I hadn't been working recently! Made it back to my room, and it was on. IV was started, ultrasound was done to make sure she was still head-down, though she hadn't moved in at least the last 12 weeks, so odds were she wasn't about to breech herself since my last ultrasound 5 days prior. She was monitored to get a baseline strip and the Cervidil was placed and then...we waited. The bed was some kind of torture device - it's much too nice to even call it a bed. I couldn't get comfortable and I knew I would never be able to sleep, plus I had to make hourly trips to the bathroom, each of which required dragging my IV pole with me and then 5-10 minutes of putting the monitor back on when I was done. I think we watched TV and I surfed online as usual, and I tried to snooze a little bit but the cement-hard bed made it impossible. I was supposed to be NPO but Lily wasn't very reactive on the monitor, so I was allowed to drink apple juice and it was awesome. Around 5am I got put on oxygen as she still wasn't cooperating. Finally around 6 my nurse was happy with the tracing and pit was started.
I think this is where I began to lose all track of time. After shift change at 7, I asked my new nurse if I could try the telemetry monitor so I could stay the hell out of the bed and hang out in the bathroom as much as I wanted. I got all hooked up, sat on my yoga ball and was reading the news online when my doctor came and and told me that she was going to break my water and place internal monitors. I really wasn't thrilled about it, especially the FSE for Lily, and it hurt like a motherfucker when she placed the monitors. I was getting re-situated in my bed when I saw Mark apparently having a seizure (or so I thought) on the pull out bed. It was terrifying and I couldn't do anything to help him. He woke up really quickly and had no recollection of what happened. I made him go to the ER to get checked out, but they did absolutely nothing but take our copay and say that he passed out. I was so stressed out at that point that I caved and got the epidural. The contractions at that point weren't that bad - I was more annoyed by the bed and needing to go to the bathroom so frequently and having to drag my IV pole with me.
So the epidural...in the end, I really don't know what to think about it. I couldn't feel the contractions or the bed and I didn't have to get up anymore, but I was ridiculously itchy. Like, a million ants crawling all over me itchy. And after I got it, the nausea started, so I blame the epidural for that as well. I was generally miserable, actually, just not in pain. I tried to doze off but I never actually fell asleep. My cervix was checked way too frequently, and though I was 7cm around noon, I never progressed further than that. A little before 11pm, my terrible nurse came in the room with bicitra and I knew what that meant: c-section. I started crying uncontrollably. It really was the last thing I wanted, especially after getting that far.
The nurse anesthetist came to help get me ready and a little while later I was in the OR. On my way in, I lobbied with just about everyone I saw to let me put Lily skin to skin while they were closing me. People were reluctant at first but they agreed to try. My IV wasn't working very well, so I ended up an anesthesiologist on one side of me and the CRNA on the other side of me, both trying to start IVs in each arm at the same time. No one was successful. Meanwhile, they bolused my epidural and started poking at me to see if I was numb yet. I was only partially numb, basically from my belly button down. So I didn't feel them cutting me but I was in a tremendous amount of pain during the surgery, and I started feeling more and more as the surgery progressed. In the end that really was the worst thing about the entire experience. I ended up getting a ton of IV pain medication that kind of took the edge off, but also made me so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open.
It seemed like a really long time, but probably was only a 5 or 10 minutes before Lily was out and screaming. That was totally amazing. She looked gigantic and had a cone head from being wedged in my pelvis - she had been completely stuck. Mark followed her to the warmer and I am so thankful that he didn't pass out again!
After a few minutes of no one telling me anything, I finally asked my mom what I wanted to know - was she"normal"? We had declined invasive testing during my pregnancy and had been waiting out a very high Down Syndrome risk from the first trimester screening. The usual risk for someone my age is about 1 in 1200. Based upon the first tri screening (that I didn't want done in the first place, but that's a whole other story), our risk was 1 in 59. My mom told me that she was perfect. I honestly don't even remember feeling relief at that point because I was just so overwhelmed with everything. Then, I heard my doctor ask for medications to help me stop bleeding - something no OB nurse wants to hear. I really thought I was going to end up with a hysterectomy, the way my luck seemed to be going. Eventually they got it under control and a few minutes after Lily was born, they brought her to me. I felt terrible - was in tremendous pain, had fever and was shivering and had received so many narcotics I could barely open my eyes. I almost didn't hold her then but I am so glad people encouraged me to. The CRNA cut my gown open, they moved the drape a bit and put her right on my chest. I became the first one to really hold her, which is exactly what I wanted.
I tried to keep her on me for as long as I could, but my eyes were so heavy eventually I couldn't stay awake any longer so I said it was ok for her to go to the nursery with Mark. The rest of the surgery just totally sucked. In hindsight they probably should have put me under general at that point but I really didn't want it. I was in so much pain my BP was out of control and they were discussing putting me on magnesium after the surgery, which I flat out refused. I FINALLY had my baby we had been waiting for so long, and I was going to go to my unit and be taken care of by my friends. I was NOT going to antepartum. My BP was also high due to my shitty nurse, but once I got transferred to a regular bed, taken to recovery and I put the cuff on correctly, and Mark and Lily came to see me, it came way down.
I was held hostage in recovery for way too long by my terrible nurse. I couldn't believe someone could suck so much while taking care of someone you know is a nurse in the same field!! Luckily I had Mark and Lily with me so it was tolerable, but every minute seemed like 5 or 10. Finally, finally, finally I was transferred to my unit. What I couldn't believe is how great I felt after the surgery, despite my extreme thirst. I drank about 6 cans of gatorade in 2 hours, plus a few large glasses of water, and felt sooo much better. By then I had been awake for almost 48 hours, which was not good. Around 8 or 9am I let Lily go to the nursery for a few hours so I could sleep. It was something I swore I would never do before I had her, but since she was a brand new section baby, I was afraid to sleep with her next to me. I managed a couple of hours of interrupted sleep - someone from medical records came to do her birth certificate, and one of my doctors came too. I got out of bed around noon or so and it wasn't bad at all. I sat in a chair for a couple of hours and ate the most delicious Jimmy John's sandwich imaginable while my family visited with us. I was up and dressed before dinner time and it felt great to be out of the stupid hospital gown. After that, everything is just kind of a blur.
I went home 2 days later, and that ended up being a big mistake...
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